


1/365

by orphan_account



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:40:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Philip loves Christmas, he's just never had one before. Lukas finds a way to give it to him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Not really sure where this came from, but Christmas is my favourite and I had to write something for them. Lukas' POV was a bit trickier than Philip's, so bear with me while I learn.

It’s not even the middle of November and all the stores have started playing Christmas music.

His dad has already brought down all the antique ornaments and decorations stored away in their attic.

He mostly hates the traditions. How if they don’t do the same thing every year the exact same way, then it’ll somehow ruin one day out of the whole year. It’s just one day. One day where you wake up and get gifts and eat a ton of food and then it’s over. He doesn’t understand the point.

He tries conveying that train of thought to Philip.

“It’s so stupid,” he explains, as they walk down the main street of town together, on a hunt for more stupid light-up candy canes for the back porch. “My dad thinks if we don’t go out and chop down the tree ourselves then we’re committing some kind of sin.”

Philip has his hands in his pockets, head down, and gives a shrug as he says, “I don’t know. It sounds kind of fun.”

He scoffs and gives a shove to Philip’s shoulder. “Then _you_ go. It’s just gonna get covered in a bunch of crap, but he acts like it’s the most sacred thing. I hate it.”

Philip looks at him and smiles, in a weird sort of way, in a way Lukas doesn’t understand.

“Well, then, good luck?”

He has to look away, can never look at Philip when he doesn’t understand the look he’s getting in return.

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll need it.”

-

The first snowfall of the year means he has to tune and adjust his bike. He tries showing Philip how to change the tires, tries to explain the necessity, loving the way Philip nods and always looks fascinated, even though they both know he understands _nothing_.

Their differences work together. Lukas didn’t know that people could be like that. He didn’t know much about anything until he met Philip.

But when Philip turns on the radio that sits abandoned on the worktable, and old-timey staticky Christmas music starts blaring out, he quickly realizes maybe their differences don’t always go hand in hand.

“You don’t seriously like this stuff, do you?” he asks, looking back over his shoulder at Philip, who’s smiling and humming along.

Philip’s smile breaks down into a disbelieving frown. “What’s not to like?”

“Like, everything?” He matches Philip’s expression, raising both his eyebrows. “It’s so cheesy.”

When the line of Philip’s mouth falls flat, into something Lukas can’t read, it cramps up his heart and makes him want to reach out, make it better, bring his smile back. But instead he keeps his hands by his side and his expression still bewildered.

“But that’s what makes it so great. Christmas _is_ cheesy.”

“Nah,” he says, shaking his head and turning back to his bike. “Christmas is my entire extended family coming over and giving me crap I don’t need.”

Philip sighs from behind him, and it’s the worst sound Lukas has ever heard. “Sure, whatever,” he says, dryly.

For some reason, Lukas keeps his eyes forward, and doesn’t try to make it better.

-

“What do you want for Christmas?”

It’s asked in a whisper, mumbled out into the air of the room as Lukas kisses up the side of Philip’s neck. He doesn’t want to answer, not when that means he has to stop kissing him, but when he realizes Philip is being serious, he pulls back.

“I already got it,” he says, a bit dreamily, teasingly, looking down at Philip underneath him.

“Ha-ha,” Philip drawls, rolling his eyes. “Come on, I’m being serious.”

He rolls over onto his back, keeping his hands on Philip, tugging at his arm until he’s lying right next to him, against him. “I don’t know. I asked my dad for new gear, my aunts and uncles for cash . . . I don’t really need anything else.”

At the exact same time, they turn to look at each other, sharing one of those smiles and those glances that leaves Lukas rattled.

And then for some reason, for some stupid reason, he looks away and sighs heavily and says, “But I know I’m just gonna get a bunch of stuff I can’t do anything with. It’s like they don’t even try.”

Philip goes tense. “Isn’t it the thought that counts?”

He laughs darkly and shakes his head. “I guess. But you can only get so many ugly sweaters before it gets annoying.”

Moving so quick and sudden, Philip sits up, swinging his legs off the edge of the bed, his head turning down. The empty feeling of not having him close settles so wrong with Lukas, has him immediately sitting up too, trying to move closer.

“I’m gonna head out,” Philip mumbles, down at his hands.

“Already?” Lukas asks, disappointed and scared, not wanting him to go. “You just got here.”

Philip bites over his lip, breathes heavy through his nose. “Yeah.” He stands up, and never looks back at Lukas. “I’ll see you later.”

-

When the bell rings for school to end and Philip isn’t at the spot where they usually meet to ride home together, Lukas knows he’s messed up.

His first instinct is to ignore it, to go home and pretend everything is fine because there’s nothing he can do anyways. But he can’t.

He doesn’t even want to.

He wants to make things better.

So he has no hesitation in getting on his bike and driving straight to Philip’s house, not sure how he’s going to do that, how to fix things, because he doesn’t even know what he did wrong. But he’ll figure it out. For Philip, he’ll try.

Philip answers the door on the third knock, not a single flicker of emotion crossing his face when his eyes meet Lukas’.

“Hey,” Lukas says, reaching out to grab Philip’s arm, has to hold him. “What gives? Are you mad at me?”

“Nope,” Philip says plainly, lips smacking, then turns around to go inside. Lukas follows him, shutting the door behind him, into the living room where the only sign of Christmas is a small, artificial tree, standing on an end table.

“Are you sure?” he asks, swallowing thickly, feeling fear and unease creep up his back. “You’re being really weird.”

Philip laughs, the sound of it holding no humour, and crosses his arms. “I’m not being weird, I’m _annoyed_.”

“Philip.” He holds onto his crossed arms, tightens his grasp until Philip drops them by his sides and he can finally take his hands. “Just tell me what I did.”

Staring down at their hands, Philip finally admits his first emotion and says lowly, disappointedly, “More like what you didn’t do.”

At that, Lukas’ eyes widen, and his voice barks out of him in shock. “What?”

Philip looks up, and holds his gaze, and it’s so unnerving, uneasy, scary.

“You don’t even get how lucky you are.”

“Lucky?” he asks, incredulously, laughing weakly. “How the hell am _I_ lucky?”

Philip’s eyes widen, and he takes a step back, and looks so hurt from a wound Lukas can’t place. “You just get _everything_ ,” he says, while shaking his head, lips curling into a snarl. “You get the family, you get the tree, the gifts, you have people who actually care about you. You get to have a Christmas _every_ year.”

“Philip.” It just comes out, a sad little plea from his lips. He runs his hands up Philip’s arms, hates how tense he is under his touch.

“You don’t know what it’s like -” Philip shuts his eyes, turns his head, crosses his arms again and whispers, “Standing in line for the food bank, or - or having to collect cans just so you can get your mom a gift -”

He never knows what to do when Philip talks about that stuff, when Philip looks like that, when Philip relives moments that Lukas will never have to experience. It scares him that he can never make it better, he’ll never be able to, he just has to stand there and hold Philip’s arms and wait for it to pass.

But this moment doesn’t.

“I’m sorry,” he says, desperately, wanting to wrap his arms around Philip but not wanting to risk being rejected. “I didn’t - I didn’t think.”

“No, you didn’t,” Philip says, and turns away. “It just never stops with you - can’t you just be grateful for what you have?”

He nods, even though Philip is looking at everything but him. “I-I-”

I am.

_You don’t even know -_

“I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t know how to say anything else.

“Forget it,” Philip sighs, shoulders and head dropping, voice so sad. “This whole holiday can shove it.”

He opens his mouth to say something, his brain pushes and tries for words, but ultimately, nothing comes out.

-

He’s never had to look out for any other person. Just himself. It’s always been him, defending himself, making himself more than he can be, making himself something he isn’t for someone else. That’s been his life.

That is still his life, but now he has Philip, and Philip makes him . . . want to be everything he is but _more_.

He just doesn’t know how.

Philip has problems, he’s been through things, things that Lukas has never had to even think about before.

Which he is -

He’s really grateful for.

Maybe that’s what Philip means.

He doesn’t know how to make it all better like he wants to, but he _wants_ to, he’s aware of it, and isn’t that . . . something? Isn’t that a start?

So that’s what he wants for Christmas then. It’s all he needs, and it’s something he knows he can do.

For Philip to have one.

The next day, when the bell rings for lunch period to end, and everyone else starts to file their way back to class, his one and only mission is to find Philip. He stops him in the hallway, hand to his chest, smiling at him despite the way Philip is all but scowling in return.

“Come with me.”

Philip arches a brow, tilts his head to the side, and slowly asks, “. . why?”

Lukas frowns. “It’s a surprise, dummy,” he says, and can’t repress his grin any longer. “Come on.”

For a moment he thinks Philip won’t, judging by how he looks down at his feet, the way he doesn’t lean into any of Lukas’ touches.

But then he’s reaching for Lukas’ hand, and Lukas doesn’t pull away despite their surroundings, because they’re going somewhere _far_. He twines their fingers together and begins to tug Philip down the hall and out of the school.

The city has always sort of scared him. Too big and dark and he doesn’t know what to be or what to do.

As they get closer and closer, winter tires on his bike treading through snow until they reach the highway, with Philip’s arms wrapped tight around his waist and his head tucked close against his back, Lukas thinks that nothing will ever be scary again if they can stay just like this.

Then they’re there, in the city, walking the grid of New York, hand in hand, and Philip presses into his side and asks, “Do I even get a hint?”

“No, ‘cause we’re almost there.”

He’s never been here before, just seen it through the TV, but it’s one of the first things that comes to mind when he hears the word _Christmas_. And he hopes it’s the same for Philip.

The lights come into view first, holding more colour and sparkle than the entire night sky, and when Philip makes some sort of excited, breathy noise, and begins to quicken his step to get closer faster, Lukas knows it is.

“No way,” Philip says, breathless, dragging Lukas through the crowds of tourists until they’re as close as they can be to the Rockefeller Christmas tree.

He’s still holding Lukas’ hand as he stares up, eyes wide and colourful from the reflection of thousands of lights.

Lukas can only look at Philip.

“I know -” he starts off, licks over his lips, throat feeling too rough suddenly. “Look, I’m sorry for getting all down on Christmas. I didn’t really think about what it might mean to you, so, yeah.”

Philip shrugs. “You just never had to deal with crap like that. It’s fine.”

“It’s not though,” he says, insistently, and reaches into his pocket, where a few bills are folded up. “Here.”

He hits his closed fist against Philip’s chest, waits until Philip looks down to see what’s in his hand.

“Lukas,” he says, and immediately shakes his head. “No. _No_. I’m not taking your money, I don’t need money -”

“It’s not for you.” He pushes the money at him again, as Philip’s wide eyes fly up to lock with his. “It’s for like, a food bank, or something.”

Right away, Philip’s hardened expression melts, and he finally closes his hand over Lukas’.

“You don’t have to do this.”

It’s Lukas’ turn to shrug. “I know I can’t like, magically erase every shitty thing that’s happened to you,” he says, and has to look away, Philip’s gaze too bright under all these lights. “But maybe we can make it better for . . . someone else?”

He knows Philip’s staring at him even though he’s not quite looking, his expression almost unreadable for a few seconds, like he’s considering something, but then he’s nodding, and smiling that smile that’s right and smug and pretty much perfect.

“Yeah, I like that idea.”

He leans up the slightest bit, and presses his lips to Lukas’ cheek.

And then Lukas just knows, this, this is what all those Christmas songs are about, and this is why people put up lights, and this is why every single little tradition _matters_.

“And maybe,” he says, hopefully, looking back at Philip now, beginning to wrap his arms under his and around his back. “Maybe it could be like a tradition. Our tradition.”

Philip’s smile falls away, and then he just looks lost - the good kind of lost, where you can wander for miles and know you’ll be found. The kind of lost that Lukas feels for him.

“Sure,” Philip says, and grabs at the front of Lukas’ jacket to yank him closer. “We can do that.”

And even if it’s all for one day, just one day, one out of three-hundred and sixty-five . . .

Lukas thinks he gets the point now.

**Author's Note:**

> Also gonna use this opportunity for some mad promo. I wrote a community post on Buzzfeed about Eyewitness that James actually tweeted about! You can find it [here](https://www.buzzfeed.com/philkas/why-you-should-watch-eyewitness-2q980). Spread the word, send it to a hesitant friend, get more people watching!
> 
> Also [here](https://lukalip.tumblr.com/post/154348116886/summary-philip-loves-christmas-hes-just-never) on tumblr!


End file.
